My Weight and Post Partum Depression

Now that Tara is 4 months old, I have been having some issues with postpartum depression. Actually, the PPD started about 1 month after she was born – its been hard on the whole family! My husband is amazing – he knows that this bitchy person that is living with him is not his real wife and its the depression that is rearing its ugly head. Fortunately, the ugly moments are not all the time, just periodically.

Many moms know about PPD although they may have not actually experienced it themselves. Its common, I have heard, but that really doesn’t make it any easier to experience it yourself. It does help a bit to know that I am not the only one that has ever gone through this! My doctor has been great to talk to and guide us through this trying time. Anti depressants have been a help but I don’t want to be on medication for a long period of time. Depression has such a stigma attached to it – mental health issues are not ones that are easily spoken about in our society and that makes it harder to seek help in my opinion.

The really sucky thing is that the anti depressant medication has made me gain weight. I had lost all the baby weight and then some and now I am up 8 pounds and it feels really awful. When I feel awful about myself and have low self esteem, I eat. And not good things either. I have managed to get my butt out of the house to the gym which is helping – I went four times last week – but when I am trying so hard to eat well and go to the gym and I still gain weight? Ouch!! Hubby says to me he would rather have me fat and happy then skinny and miserable, god love him for saying that. Ultimately that will not work for me, to be fat and happy – I want to be healthy and happy. My self confidence is so tied up in my weight – wish I could cut them apart!

So my plan to combat this is to make sure I get exercise and eat properly. I am getting lots of sleep, probably too much so I will make a point to not crawl back into bed when Tara has her morning nap. I will schedule daycare at the gym for after nap time and then I can head onto the treadmill and elliptical machine for some me time. Visiting with friends during the day is something I am still able to do since I am on mat leave for another month or so – that is always something I really enjoy. Eating will be something I will have to plan ahead of time – luckily my husband wants to eat healthily too, that makes it so much easier for me to follow his good example!

As my mother used to say – this too shall pass of course it will. Another cliche? whatever doesn’t kill me will make me stronger – I will come out of this a stronger person!

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